FREELANCE WRITER. JOURNALIST, AND SCRIPT READER – FAN OF SCI-FI AND CHOCOLATE DIGESTIVES – YSTV'S BEST DRESSED MEMBER 2013

Monday, 4 October 2010

On 4.10.10 by KieronMoore in , , ,    No comments

I saw Ben Affleck's new action thriller romantic heist drama film The Town at the weekend (I would rather have watched I'm Still Here or Winter's Bone but they are seemingly too arty for any of my local cinemas). It was actually quite good, with an exciting, at times gripping, story and some nice action scenes, although I'm not impressed by Affleck's acting or his directing.

The Town has a very strong supporting cast, especially The Hurt Locker's Jeremy Renner and Jon Hamm. Jon Hamm - now there's a meaty actor. He should get his chops into some meaty roles, like Hamlet. I'd steak good money on him becoming one of the top sausages* of the acting world. On a more serious note, I watched the first season of Mad Men recently and Hammerz was brilliant in that as Don Draper, the advertising executive hiding a dark past (I'm waiting for an opportunity to watch the next seasons), but, sadly, while he portrays him excellently, his character in The Town, determined FBI Special Agent Frawley (pronounced Frolly (yes, Frolly (probably, can't really remember, but it sounds funny))) was left sadly underdeveloped, as if picked from a bin of stock action characters. Oh, and Pete Postlethwaite's Irish accent is, disappointingly, a bit dodgy.

So yeah, overall, worth watching if you don't want to travel to Wigan (the nearest cinema showing I'm Still Here).

*I know that's not a pun. Is it even a phrase people use? Don't blame me, thinking of meat puns can be porking hard.

In other news, robot costumes are so fashionable for the Autumn/Winter season this year. As modelled (and created) by me, look out for this outfit in the upcoming film trailer for the non-existent film Filmless (hey, that's ironic...)!

Thursday, 16 September 2010

On 16.9.10 by KieronMoore   No comments
I love writing lists.

1. My EPQ essay, "How did the Hollywood film industry respond to the Iraq war?" is still taking up quite a bit of time, despite the current version being 3000 words above the target.

2. Art. This is the only excuse I need really, and I'm probably falling heavily behind in art by stopping to write this list. Anyway, due to having no ideas whatsoever for my project, I showed Mrs Bamford my MegaCitruses and now my project seems to be based on them. The current plan leads to me making an animation about a city made of fruit, somehow also involving elephants and possibly clocks and/or boots. Shouldn't take long; last time I did an animation, I only had to work every free, lunch and evening until 2AM for two weeks. Then again, now I know not to make it about characters who don't touch the floor, plus I can say that it carries an environmental message and examiners might like that.

3. Media. Another big coursework task, and one which seems like it will have to be done almost entirely outside of lesson time, as our new teacher is determined to distract us with dull films. But it'll be amazing. As long as I can persuade my group to let me make a robot helmet out of an old television and sellotape bacon to people's faces.

4. I'm campaigning for head boy. Despite the fact that if I win, the amount of spare time I have per week will go into the negative numbers, I am certainly the best candidate. Here's my nomination statement:

Although my intellectual superiority obviously places me in the upper echelons of the BRGS intelligentsia, I strive to be a caring, tolerant individual who values fairness and honesty above all else (except maybe my dashing good looks). With my honed sense of style and glowing aura of power and awe, I possess all the necessary qualities of a king, or, failing that, a head boy. BRGS is an excellent school, but that means it needs excellent students, and in recent times, one such excellent student has stood out above the rest: Kieron Moore. Who has already taken on such varying and strenuous tasks as lunchtime prefecting not once, but twice a week, helping out at open evenings and even fixing the shelves in the computing room (you don’t need to know who broke them)? That’s right, me! I believe that BRGS has a strong sense of community and am committed to valiantly upholding this so that the brave students of BRGS can look upon their friendly, as well as academically successful, community with pride, under the banner “Kieron Moore: Head Boy”.

So, if you're a current member of the BRGS sixth form, vote for me! If not, vote for me anyway! Here's a Facebook group about it.

5. Also, I am still learning German...

6. ...and Maths...

7. ...and General Studies. Haha, not really. It takes up about as much time and thought as my social life.

8. Still in the process of applying to universities.

9. Still learning to drive.

10. I have been invited into the LittleBigPlanet 2 beta! That means I must be a valued member of the LBP community! I'm not allowed to tell you about it, you know, it's all secretive.

11. Those times when I sit doing nothing, thinking to myself "I'll start doing something productive soon."

Sunday, 5 September 2010

On 5.9.10 by KieronMoore in ,    2 comments
Oops, haven't blogged for months. There's a half finished post from the 7th of July saved as a draft that I'd totally forgotten about, but it would be silly to publish that now. What a shame. I had a lovely graph planned for it, too. Never mind, I'll have a go at fixing this blog drought. You want to know what I've been doing over the Summer holidays, don't you? I knew you would. It's been a very productive period. Here's a heavily edited, glossed over version.

The first two weeks, known as Enrichment 2 Weeks, were spent on work experience at Goldminds Media in Manchester. They're a great company and really nice people, even if by the end of Enrichment 2 Weeks, I'd printed titles onto 265 discs, one at a time. They let me be a runner on a shoot one day; yay for carrying heavy equipment! Here's a further few things I learned during my placement:
  • "We were taking photos of bread" does not work as an excuse for breaking the Marks and Spencer rule of "no photography in Marks and Spencer" (we were, in fact, taking photos of queues).
  • Homes 4 U, despite being an estate agent, has a surprisingly nice café.
  • I cannot walk through Manchester city centre unattended without coming dangerously close to being run over by a bus.
  • The staff in the Apple store are creepily friendly (and sexy, in some cases) but can't give perfect advice on backup devices (maybe partly my fault - they'd trusted me with the big responsibility of going to the Apple store meeting but I had no idea how big the footage taken on a single shoot is).
Also, I showed my art animation to Goldminds, they liked it and showed it to Revolution vodka bars, their clients, and now Revolution are interested in showing it on their in-house TV channel. Groovy!

I've also started driving lessons. This adventure isn't going too badly so far; the majority of Rossendale remains intact and the instructor man sometimes lets me go really really fast. Vrum vrum! Well, not that fast, no more than, you know, 30 miles per hour, but you get the point, it's a rather exciting business. Can't be long until I unlock machine gun attachments.

My EPQ essay, "How did the American film industry respond to the Iraq War?", has been another thing keeping me busy. I've smashed through the 5,000 word target and my current draft stands somewhere around 7,893 (ish) words, which I'm pleased with. There're some interesting films that I looked at while researching for this and I'd particularly recommend War, Inc, which is a hilarious yet meaningful parody of US corporate interests in the Middle East. Plus, John Cusack backflips into a garbage truck.


The best thing on television over the Summer was undoubtedly Sherlock. Steven Moffat has won television. Again. Excellent performances from Benedict Cumberbatch (the fact that he's hot also helps), Martin Freeman and the rest of the cast combined with brilliant writing and directing (these weren't so good in the middle episode, which not only had a
quite silly Chinese smuggling ring but also didn't have enough gay allusions) made Sherlock a perfect contemporary update of Conan Doyle's mythos. Elsewhere in the world of television, I'm nearly up to the end of season 4 in my second run of The Wire (ah, the ending to season 4, episode 11 is so satisfying) and I've started season 1 of Mad Men, which is turning out to be very interesting. Not a contender for The Wire, though. Nothing is. Nothing.

My parents went away for the final weekend of the holidays, leaving me with the house to myself. Some teenagers would have taken this as an opportunity to hold a wild party, but I'm much better than that. I walked to Tesco at 3AM on Saturday in order to buy one of each of the three main citrus fruits, then returned home to carry out a plan I call...



I am the Dieter Laser of citrus fruits!

Back to sixth form tomorrow, maybe that shall restore my sanity/body clock/social life. Maybe not.

Sunday, 27 June 2010

On 27.6.10 by KieronMoore   4 comments
This Saturday marked the universally agreed upon most important day of the year, as the last in the series of Doctor Who was broadcast. Households around the universe were preparing themselves for the excitement, but of course, given the nature of my wild and unpredictable lifestyle, things would not work out so simply for me.
For I was on a grand adventure to the land of Nottingham, recognised worldwide for its thieves with inconsistent accents and its lace making industry, to take a look at its university. The campus was lovely and spacious, although I only saw one duck - I expect York, having the highest duck:student ratio in the country, will beat this. The course I'm likely to apply for at Nottingham is joint Film Studies and German - both areas seem good, although there's not enough of a practical side to the film area. However, a small amount of the film students are sent to do a paid internship in Hollywood, which sounds amazing, as long as I could use whatever methods necessary to secure myself a place *smiles and rubs hands sinisterly*. The catered accomodation seemed pretty shabby, but the self-catered flats were nice. I'd have to make sure to be sharing a kitchen with someone whose cooking skills aren't quite as life-threatening as my own. Picked up lots of leaflets, including one for Economics and one for Dutch Studies - not sure how that happened.
After the open day, I would have returned home in time for The Big Bang, were it not for the fact that my Grandma lives in Nottingham and it would apparently be rude not to visit her. Thank goodness for Sky+. Some of her anecdotes about the exciting life of a pensioner (almost as crazy as my own) were actually quite amusing. For example, it turns out my uncle's DIY skills are equivalent to what my own are probably like, as he tried to remove her boiler by "socking it with a hammer". Also, she sold her old settee to a devoutly religious ex-alcoholic who is pretending to be gay so that he can inherit stuff from aging comedy star Barry Howard (who had a small role in Doctor Who - The End of Time). Plus, she has a pretty groovy mirror.
Anyway, here's some comments on The Big Bang: it was amazing. Moffat wrote a great end to the story while leaving some strands open for next year, although the timelines don't really make much sense if you think about them, what with River Song having to go do the Weeping Angel shizz yet all of the series supposedly not having happened and all that. I spent most of last night mentally trying to find a way to make them work and I think I might have got there. No, I'm not explaining it. As usual, the acting and direction were to a high standard . I loved the Doctor's new headgear (both the fez, because fezzes are cool, and the top hat) and the stone Dalek, which provided some cool action scenes. Suggestion: next year, the Doctor should wear a different hat every episode, somehow relating to where he's visiting. After an emotional step in their story, Amy and Rory are alive and human again, travelling with the Doctor, so bring on Christmas! Only 181 days to go!

Side note: it's too damn hot. Like me.

Sunday, 20 June 2010

On 20.6.10 by KieronMoore   No comments
After having pretty much bossed the last of my exams on Friday (another high A, yawn), I've been having a pretty exciting weekend. My parents were away at a wedding on Friday night, so I decided to make the most of having the house to myself. I went totally wild and watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off on Film4. OK, not the most crazy night possible, but what else could I have done? No way am I holding a party, someone would end up shitting on the settee or setting fire to the bread or creasing my limited edition hardcover Star Wars: Legacy Volume 1. You know, those kinds of youth crimes you read about in the Daily Mail. Anyway, it was a pretty funny film and I caught the end of Jonathan Ross afterwards, but was still left with a lingering urge to do something only the really mentally unstable would do.
So I did. Something so mad that Tim Burton on LSD couldn't have come up with it - I walked to Tesco. After midnight. I've always wanted to know what a 24-hour supermarket is like in the early hours and this was the night I would find out. But first, some observations from my walk there. Walking in the middle of a usually busy road made me feel powerful and free. Then a car came. I moved back onto the pavement. I saw some kids coming in my direction and crossed to the other side out of pointless middle-class caution. When they got closer, they didn't look at all rough and, from the snippets of their conversation I overheard, seemed relatively intelligent and sober. Lots of England flags up on Broadway. Not so many on the nicer streets. Interesting how those living in poorer conditions support our country more. Or have less taste. Was that a fox?
In Tesco: lots of staff stacking shelves. I wonder how much they get paid? Not many customers. One drunken fool bowed to me. I would expect nothing less. Closest I got to human interaction. Had some spare change and wanted to give the trip a point by buying something, so bought copy of Radio Times, mainly because of Doctor Who picture on the cover.
(Humourous aside: once, I bought a few items from Tesco which totalled £12.48. I decided to rid myself of loose change by paying with all my coins. mostly 1ps, 2ps and 10ps, at the self service till. It turned out I had £12.47, and I had to pay the remaining one pence with my bank card.)
Which brings us smoothly on to Saturday, and The Pandorica Opens, the penultimate episode of the current series of Doctor Who. I was incredibly excited for this episode and, as it turned out, rightly so. Making use of the budget not used for The Lodger (a funny episode which I liked, except for the dodgy ending with the unexplained TARDIS-alike and people physically walking through a roof), Steven Moffat presented us with an epic storyline spanning from Van Gogh's house in France to the 52nd century (bit of an error there, hardcore dates-of-stuff-happening-in-Doctor-Who fans?) to the fungal jungles (accidental rhyme alert) of the first planet in existence to Roman Britain and, most importantly, Stonehenge. If the early episodes of the series homaged Star Wars, this episode seemed full of Indiana Jones homages, in no way a bad thing, with the gloomy secret chamber filled with cobwebs, flaming torches and a mysterious puzzle box. Also, the scene with River Song putting microexplosives in the fat blue dude's drink was reminiscent of the start of Temple of Doom. There were some wonderful performances from all the main cast and the writing and direction were on top form. The episode managed to have an ending which was not only heavily emotional, but also nerdgasmic, with aliens as obscure as the Hoix and Torchwood's blowfish man showing up. The Zygons, Chelonians, Drahvins and more were also namechecked, making grown men without girlfriends across the country squee with excitement. It would have been nice to see this Alliance in more detail, but there's always next week. The scene with the zombie Cyberman was great (another Star Wars homage, perhaps - its arm had the aim of a Stormtrooper) and perfectly scary and tense. I bet there'll be some nightmares about that skull falling out of the helmet tonight. I nearly wet myself (no, I didn't really). Overall, awesome.

Sorry if any of that didn't make any sense or was all in the wrong order, it's past 3 in the morning and I have no idea why I'm blogging.

Bed now.

Friday, 28 May 2010

On 28.5.10 by KieronMoore in , , ,    No comments
Another post a lot later than intended, but I really should promote my new(ish) LittleBigPlanet level, Sack Force 141 vs the Oily Communist Doom Legions... at sea! by mmmpieisgood, despite now playing ModNation Racers more often (who knows, I may write about it one day). Here's its summary and some lovely pictures:

"Those darn commie terrorists are holding hostages on board a heavily guarded oil rig. Your mission is to get into the oil rig, save the hostages and stop the bad men. Loosely based on that Modern Warfare 2 level with the oil rig. With REAL WATER OMGWTFBBQ!"

Sunday, 23 May 2010

On 23.5.10 by KieronMoore in , ,    2 comments

As the new series of Doctor Who passed the pivotal episode 8 mark yesterday (8, it's like, 2 cubed, can't beat that for significance), I thought now would be a good time to blog about my thoughts on the series so far. Well, either that or I've been meaning to do this since around episode 4 (2 squared, see the pattern?) and just haven't got around to it until today, the one Sunday where I have an exam the Monday immediately afterwards.

Overall, I've been loving the series so far. In my opinion, Matt Smith is a lot better than David Tennant. Tennant is a great actor but Smith's Doctor is more eccentric and alien. The anger bubbling below the surface of the Eleventh Doctor is more crazed and sudden than the dull angst of the Tenth. Here's someone who won't keep stopping to cry about the loss of Rose 'most important chav in the universe' Tyler. His mannerisms, voice and even costume are also improvements; connotations of his eccentricity and superiority, whereas Tennant's sometimes felt like he was trying to be too cool and "one of the guys". In fact, I like Matt Smith's Doctor so much that I was extremely tempted when I saw a life-sized cardboard cut out of him in a shop. Only the practicality of carrying it on the bus home prevented me.

The quality of the writing has also improved. It seems that Steven Moffat puts a lot more thought into giving his series a strong plot that all fits together; the storyline about the Doctor investigating Amy's crack (sorry) is proving a more interesting story arc than previous attempts like Bad Wolf and will most likely have a better resolution than "companion inexplicably becomes God and causes everything". I also very much like the character development going on with Amy and Rory; having the companion's
fiancé on board adds a fresh new dynamic to the show that's different to what has been attempted before. I've also got to give credit to the new team of directors, Adam Smith especially. It seems that the production quality has dramatically increased since the RTD era, which is remarkable considering that the budget went down. The variety of interesting camera shots Adam Smith presents is worthy of high praise, especially that lovely zigzagging track through the Delirium Archive in The Time of Angels and his David Fincher moment of the Doctor's recalled memories of the village green in The Eleventh Hour.

The Eleventh Hour was a very strong opener to the series and remains one of my favourite episodes ever. Moffat is at his best here and the story benefits from the extra time it is allowed.


Unfortunately, Moffat's writing was not quite as good on The Beast Below, but it was still a very good episode. The somewhat steampunk aesthetic of Starship UK was very nicely done. However, the episode seemed a tad rushed, as some of the guest characters could have done with some more screen time and it would have been great to have seen some more of Starship UK.

This criticism also applies to Victory of the Daleks. I'm afraid to say that this was the weakest episode of the series so far. Mark Gatiss's writing just didn't really have that much depth, as Churchill didn't do much or become emotionally affected by the events - he seemed there for the sole purpose of having the 'token early in series historical figure'. Also, the viewer was meant to care about that woman in the bunker whose husband died, but I bet less than 1% of the viewers even remembered her name (it was Blanche, I'm in the intelligent/really nerdy percentile). Actually, was it her boyfriend? Her fiancé, maybe? See! Maybe a bit more screen time would have solved this problem. And then there was the Daleks. Oh, the Daleks. I can't say I like the new models, which have been inspired by the Teletubbies (might as well put screens on the front and go for the full effect). I prefer the RTD-era look, the shape and colours were more threatening, but, hey, the BBC have to sell merchandise somehow!

Now, I loved Blink but didn't think the Weeping Angels should return. They seemed like the kind of villains that work best as one-offs, but I changed my mind after The Time of Angels, it was a brilliant episode! Moffat pulled it off by doing a totally different type of story with them - the Alien/Aliens comparison he used was perfectly appropriate.
I nearly missed Flesh and Stone due to a crazy suicidal druggie going on an automobile rampage in the car park of Hebden Bridge Co-Op and causing a minor dent in my dad's car and at least 2 others, but on the up side, after all insurance and police chappies were informed of the incident, it was another excellent episode. Overall, this two-part story was good enough to rival The Eleventh Hour as my favourite story so far. I don't understand why some people don't like two-parters; they're much better paced and so allow for a stronger, deeper story. Initially, I thought I'd noticed a continuity error at the scene where the Doctor had the jacket on despite previously losing it, but, looking closely at that scene, his watch and even his mood seem to change as well - is this a clever plot device that will be explored in the finalé? Exciting! The changing length of his hair was definitely a silly error, though.

The Vampires of Venice was another strong episode, if not original or exceptional enough to place it among the best. Venice is a beautiful city and it was great to see it shown well in Doctor Who, albeit actually filmed in Croatia. The resolution seemed a bit rushed, with it not really clear what happened to the fishy boys in the canals.

Amy's Choice wasn't as good as Moffat's episodes but I consider it to be the best non-Moffat episode in the series so far. It developed the TARDIS trio's characters effectively and reassured me that there is a reason for my fear of old people. Now it's only my fear of young people and my fear of people that are irrational. Toby Jones was great as the Dream Lord and I love the manically clumsy side to Matt Smith's Doctor as here he knocks an old lady off a roof with a lamp. What next, hitting a Dalek with a comically large spanner? Oh.

I'm usually optimistic about Doctor Who, but my expectations for The Hungry Earth were set to low, fearing that the Silurians would be a bit... rubbish. However, I liked it more than I expected, as the creepy atmosphere worked brilliantly, and the episode had some lovely colours in it. I like lovely colours. I still don't like the look of the Silurians - some more lizardy frills would have improved them and I really don't know why they weren't given some reptilian contact lenses. Also, unusual sex appeal aside, why would a female reptile have breasts? On the other hand, when you consider that the original Silurians had naturally evolved ray guns in their heads, modern Doctor Who is, by comparison, scientifically plausible. A plus side of this episode was that it seemed to make the viewers care more for the guest characters, giving them more emotional depth than say, that dude who blew himself up in The Vampires of Venice and the aforementioned "that woman" in Victory of the Daleks, this despite Meera Syal's less than fully convincing acting. The cliffhanger could have been better; revealing that there was a whole civilisation of Homo Reptilia under the Earth worked in theory, but the reveal could have been more dramatic. Perhaps the scene of Amy about to be vivisected (not dissected, as her fellow captive wrongly called it) would have made a better final scene. Also, despite this being part of a two-parter, it could actually have benefited from being slightly longer. I say that because of the deleted scene shown on Doctor Who Confidential of the Doctor and Amy discussing Rory while walking towards the "big mining thing". This was a lovely little scene which, as well as looking great, would have added to the wonderful character arc and it's a shame that they cut it.

Overall, I'm very much enjoying this series of Doctor Who. The story, main characters and directing are superb and I look forward very much to the rest of the series, as well as the Adventure Games. Free video games are never a bad thing! I'd only suggest that the BBC allow longer episodes in future series.

Friday, 14 May 2010

On 14.5.10 by KieronMoore in    No comments


Bassically, this is a krilliant stop motion animation about some lovely fishies. I made this for my AS level art coursework, not just for the halibut, but as part of the "Marine Life" project.

Photographed in my school with my Nikon D70s D-SLR and edited in Photoshop and Pinnacle in a different plaice, i.e. my house. Was a pretty tedious job, by the end I'd haddock enough of editing all the frames, especially considering how I had to get my skates on and work fast so that it didn't turn out carp. Thank Cod it's over now.

The music is "Chee Zee Beach" by Kevin MacLeod of incompetech.com That guy's got sole; he knows how to make a bangin' tuna.

When I'm a world famous film director, eel make this into a full feature film, with Mussel Crowe and Minnowna Ryder voicing the main characters. But for now, that's only in my breams.

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

On 5.5.10 by KieronMoore in    No comments

Advice 1: Don't do A-level art.

Advice 2: If you ignore advice 1, don't make a
stop motion animation.

Advice 3: If you ignore advice 1 and 2, don't make
a stop motion animation about a character that does not touch the
ground.

Monday, 26 April 2010

On 26.4.10 by KieronMoore   No comments
I'm starting a new weekly event, because purple's awesome, inspired by David's new purple shirt and imminently arriving from eBay purple trilby. A surprisingly large number (actually more than 4) people have already vowed to don the purple clothes of purpleness.

As the poster I've not got enough purple ink to print says:

Fridays at BRGS sixth form are now purple days. Wear no purple and there will be dire consequences. Bonus points for cool purple accessories, e.g. trilbies.

Remember, kids - normal dress code still applies, with the added rule of WEAR PURPLE!

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

On 23.3.10 by KieronMoore   No comments
Hello. Here is an assortment of musings on my recent thoughts and activities:

My group finished our media coursework recently; the task was to make an opening to a thriller. Are you male, 16-34, higher educated and a fan of rock music and The Wire? This is for you! If not, watch it just for the acting.



(No need to panic, we're not marked for acting)

I went to a university fair today and picked up quite a lot of stuff - 4 bags full of 25 prospectuses, 2 foam pound signs, a beach ball and a flashing pen. However, I am only considering a small proportion of thiose 25 universites and, sadly, the flashing pen is now broke. I'm likely to be doing an honours degree in Film and Television production (or studies), possibly combined with German. York looks good, and not just because that's where Apple (of acclaimed comedy duo Apple and Grape) is studying. Nottingham, Exeter, Lancaster and Royal Holloway, London are also potential targets.

At least when I seem overburdened by the stress of my A-level work combined with university research, I have something to look forward to. My social life! Just kidding, I'm referring to the imminent return of Doctor Who, which I am unashamedly excited for. There is no way this new series can fail to be brilliant, with Weeping Angels, some lovely spaceships, a crazy zombie Cyberman, 6 episodes by the Grand Moff Steven Moffat (I love when people reference Star Wars while talking about Doctor Who), a new Doctor and, most importantly, a ginger companion.

[eleventh_hour4.jpg]
I'm ignoring those bashing Matt Smith before they've seen him play the Doctor and think he will be great (in terms of acting as well as hotness, same applies to Karen Gillan (and the new Daleks*)).
The first person to tell me who said the quote in the title wins a very special prize (no, it's not a spacehopper).

I'd better stop writing now. I need to go and take some paracetamol for my daily headache.

*Joke. I am not sexually attracted to Daleks.

Saturday, 27 February 2010

On 27.2.10 by KieronMoore   No comments
Wow, I really haven't posted since December. I have my excuses though; here's what's been keeping me busy:

1. Christmas
DVD box set of The Wire, yay!

2. Austria
Over half term I went on a skiing holiday to Kitzbühel in Austria with my friend Nick and our dads. This is the second time we've been to Kitzbühel and so I considered blogging before the holiday reminiscing about last time but couldn't because of reason 3 (see below).


The week started on a high with me accidentally smashing a pool cue into a light fitting and causing a small power failure no more than two hours after arriving in our hotel.

Next, I was happy when I had an opportunity to practice my German skills. I used the word "Durchfall" (diarrhoea) in a conversation with an actual Austrian person in a properly useful way. (If you must know, Nick's dad had decided he'd rather shit himself than show off what a bad skiier he is, so we had to get some medicine from the chemist)

At least the skiing went well for the first day or two with neither of us actually falling off a cliff, despite Nick coming dangerously close. However, we seemed to have no idea where we were going, spending most of our time trying to work out where we are.

Luckily, the holiday company had a free and fun solution to this. We signed up to take part in a "ski safari", in which we would ski with a group led by our rep, Adam, covering a large amount of the mountain range in one day. By the way, Adam had put his mobile number on display in the hotel lobby so that guests could contact him if they needed anything. Did we take the number? No, there's no way we would end up needing that! Nick and I set off determined not to get lost on the ski safari and to have a good day's skiing. Naturally, we got on the wrong bus on the way to where the group was meeting, but with a spot of luck, it went to the right place anyway (on the way to the very wrong place). Meeting our group, we were all asked to tell everyone our names, where we come from and an interesting fact about ourselves. Putting the "pathetic" into pathetic fallacy, the fact I chose and Nick copied was "I'm probably going to get lost". "There's no way you can get lost today" we were reassured.

After two minutes skiing with the group, we got lost for four and a half hours. We got on the wrong lift after the first run we did. At least I could say "I told you so." Due to our earlier mistake, I had to make a series of phone calls to contact Adam, starting with phoning a nerd in England who I knew would be near a computer at 10:30Am GMT and getting them to find the hotel's phone number (thanks, Jacques) and then phoning the hotel for Adam's number. That group did a lot of waiting for us that day and I doubt that some of them forgave us, especially after we abandoned them again at the end of the day when buggering up walking back to the hotel.

The rest of the holiday went smoothly, though, perhaps excluding a slight incident of smashing my face into a wall of snow (comfortable but cold, I wouldn't recommend it except for humourous purposes). Oh, and if you ever see Nick's dad, mention the word "intermediate".

3. Art

I've been pretty busy these days with my art coursework. Mrs Bumfluff/Bamford is back with a vengeance from pretending to have a child and suddenly the amount of work I have to do is equivalent to finding a girlfriend for an autistic bear. At least we got to meet the world famous artist Ian Murphy. He's great, unless you follow him on Twitter. We've started our exam project now, and I've picked marine life as my topic. The choices weren't great, year 13s got a Star Wars one! I want a Star Wars one! Not that you care, but here's the art work I have to do this weekend:
  • watercolour painting of sea lions,
  • acrylic painting of Japanese octopus type thing,
  • chalk pastel drawing of fish and turtles,
  • pen drawing of turtle,
  • timeline of artists,
  • analyse a piece of art,
  • go to Blackpool and take photos of fish.
Add to that my homework for media, German and maths (I hope there wasn't any computing) and you can see that stopping to write this blog post was a stupider decision than giving Jar Jar Binks temporary senatorial powers.