Wednesday, 23 December 2009

On 23.12.09 by KieronMoore   No comments
Christmas is approaching faster than a speeding turbolaser bolt (the opposite speed to all transportation within Britain) and so I should probably get a move on with this horrid shambles of a blog entry before festive spirit overwhelms me and I need to go take a few more paracetamol.

Of course there's all that peace, family, children, Jesus stuff but what Christmas is really all about is the Doctor Who Christmas special. So before I descend into screaming "DON'T LEAVE ME, DAVID" in the manner of a drunken tramp, can I say that I predict these final specials to be very good and that Matt Smith's series will also be very good, especially with Steven Moffat in charge. Yes, as strange an idea as it is, I have no objections to Doctor Who being run by a straight man. Christmas is a time for equality, after all. DON'T LEAVE ME DAVID!

Although this is undoubtedly the must have present this Christmas, I must have a quick fanwanky paragraph about my early Christmas present from the lovely chaps at Media Molecule. The latest expansion to LittleBigPlanet, Pirates of the Carribean levels and water (yes, WATER!) is erection-inducingly awesome. I told you there'd be a Kraken boss fight. I've started my latest level (expect to see it finished around March) incorporating the new features. I won't give too much away, but my electrified Communist speedboat works perfectly. Oh, and the sexiest hessian yet - Johnny Sacking Depp is in LittleBigPlanet (as Captain Sack Sparrow in Media Molecule's best pun since their inFAMOUS costume blog)!

After Christmas comes New Year and because we all know there's no way I'll find the time to write another post between the two lavishly capitalist festival times, let's now have a quick look back on 2009:

January - Barack Obama inaugurated as first black US President. Paterson Joseph annoyed at not accomplishing a similar fate.
February - I start writing this blog and an important piece of history is made.
March - Something must have happened, I just don't know what.
April - On April 29 and April 30, Arsenal Gear crash lands into Federal Hall, causing devastation to New York City from its coast. London comes under more "light-hearted" and "rompy" threat from some space manta rays and a thief dicking around in a flying bus.
May - I leave school. Ha, I'm never going to see you again, BRGS!
June - I do my GCSEs in BRGS. And ace them. Now I'm finished, I'm never going to see you again, BRGS! Michael Jackson sadly dies and conspiracy theorists speculate tirelessly on it. My favourite theory was that he had a hereditary disease; his death was caused by a defective billy gene. Sorry.
July - Children all over the Earth announce that they are coming, paedophiles are disappointed when it turns out to be a warning about an alien invasion and Torchwood is actually, seriously excellent.
August - I cruise the seas under the helm of Captain Bang but make an enemy of a small square of chocolate brownie.
September - I join BRGS sixth form. It's like lower school but with nice chairs, and I have two of what's called a "free", which is soon reduced to just one.
October - The International Olympic Committee awards the 2016 Summer Olympics to Rio de Janeiro. That's all I've got.
November - Modern Warfare 2 is released, the most high-profile gaming launch ever. It is set in 2015 and features a level where a massive chaotic gunfight causes quite a lot of damage in Rio de Janeiro. Conspiracy theorists, go! Also, I spend my birthday attempting (and failing) to eat 20 teabags, but have an epic party which most of my year come to, sneakily disguised as a parent's evening.
December - Why the hell would I look back on a month that hasn't finished yet?

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!


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