Sunday, 15 November 2009

On 15.11.09 by KieronMoore in ,    No comments
In the second of my regular series of film reviews, I'm going to talk to you about a horror film I watched today, Drag Me to Hell. Beware, I might post some spoilers, but it doesn't matter because you'd have worked out the ending five minutes into the film anyway.

Drag Me to Hell is about a woman who works in a bank, so the audience are already against her. No, no, she's a goodie. Anyway, a scary old woman comes into the bank and our heroine refuses to give the scary old woman an extension on her mortgage, so, naturally, the scary old woman unleashes an evil demon on her, which will torment her for three days before taking her to Hell for eternal damnation. Society really shouldn't be so harsh on bankers, they deserve those bonuses for living with the risk of demon curses.
Look, it's your mum.

The middle bit of the film is mainly all horror cliché and conventions, with flickery lights, a worried but helpful fortune teller, a séance and an adorable kitten being stabbed. I was quite entertained by the Looney Tunes influenced scene in which an anvil falls on a demon scary old lady vision's head and her eyes get squashed out on stalks.

The ending, however, is where Drag Me to Hell is truly memorable and I would like to pretend that I totally didn't see it coming. Actually, I wouldn't like to pretend that, because then I would seem less intelligent than George Bush after his brains have been attacked by a manic zombie panda bear with a chainsaw (a creature which this film was sorely lacking). The fortune teller says to the main character something very close to "You need to give away this small circular object to someone else by the end of the day, or else you'll be dragged to Hell by a demon and will have to endure an eternity of torture. I'll put it in this white envelope for you, that just happens to be identical to another white envelope that, earlier in the film, you placed a totally different and insignificant but similar shaped and sized small circular object in. There's no way you can mess this up." followed by, less than a minute later, "Woops, I dropped all my stuff on the floor, including both of these white envelopes."

In fact, that reminds me of something...

So, yeah, almost as good as Mega Snake.


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