Monday, 10 August 2009

On 10.8.09 by KieronMoore   3 comments
If you're wondering why I've not been posting recently (which you're not, because I always take ages between posts and no-one reads this blog regularly anyway), then it's because I've been on holiday for the past two weeks, cruising the Mediterranean on the Navigator of the Seas.

No, this blog entry is not to show off how I've been having a good time on a wonderful holiday, it is in fact to show off my beautiful tan.

Apparently, my skin now looks "healthy" and no longer like I am an albino Victorian child with rickets. Even though I'm still thousands of shades whiter than the average person who was on board for half the time I was, that's still pretty good going for a ginger, right?


- The captain for the second week was called Captain Bang. At first I was a bit worried about being under the care of someone who sounds like a naff superhero; what if we ran into his equally onomatopoeic nemesis, Dr Von Boom? Or a cyborg whale? However, I came to appreciate Captain Bang as he got the Navigator out of all the tricky situations it ended up in, mainly by speaking on the announcement channel, starting with "Hello, this is Captain Bang speaking" and then drifting into incomprehensibility and having to be translated by a welsh guy. (Disclaimer: I didn't take that photo of captain Bang, I was too much in awe of his powers. I found it on Google.)

- An Italian guy fell over on stage when introducing a Beatles tribute act. That was hilarious.

- Failing to fix the safe in my cabin that was really just a retarted cupboard with numbers on it. If you pressed close, the word OPEN came onto the display and nothing happened. Once it started a nine minute countdown for absolutely no reason, skipped to two and a half minutes and then nothing happened at the end.

- I can now say "no" in Greek, "one hundred and fourteen" in Italian and "grandfather" in Danish. I'm quite the multilinguist.

- Losing to an ex US army soldier at Ping Pong and to my mum at crazy golf.

- Can anyone tell me what "pas da fresque" (or something similar, that's from what I heard) means? It's either Spanish or Catalan... a pretty but deadly assassin lady from Barcelona attacked my hat and then shouted it repeatedly at me. No, I don't make this up. I did the best solution to any problem one doesn't understand and just ignored the hat-raper, she went away eventually.

- The food. I can't think of something funny to say about the food, as I keep being distracted by memories of how tasty it was, one turkey sandwich in particular.


- Towel folding demonstration a disappointment. I expected to learn a useful skill but it was just many people gathered around a piano upon which someone was folding a towel into various lovely shapes, which no explanation on how to do it.

- There was an evil square of chocolate brownie on a little area of deck outside my balcony which could always be seen but never be reached. It stared at me maliciously all holiday, and it took great effort to heroically resist the temptation to turn to the dark side, leap into the restricted area and crush every atom of it's existence. We asked at Guest Relations for it to be cleaned away on day 8, but it never was. Even the crew were scared of it.

Look at it, the face of pure evil, squirming with malign intent, standing in the face of the good and righteous and refusing to go away. For two whole weeks!

I could tell you more, but I have eight hours of The Wire Sky+'d, so addios!


  1. Cyborg whale is the second best Godzilla bad-guy. after Axor.
    but if the Brownie was in a Godzilla movie, it would be more evil than both of them combined.

  2. captain bang looks like mr ward lol